My Testimony

I was thinking about my testimony today. I gave up a dream I had devoted twenty years of my life to because I learned that the plans God has for me are far better than the ones I have for myself. When I was pursuing my own plan for my life, I found it never satisfied me. I knew God wanted me to give it up, but for years I had myself convinced that God wanted to take away everything that I held dear. I was convinced I would be happy when I achieved this or that goal. When I finally submitted to God, I saw how God was only asking me to give up what was killing me. Happy ending, right? Unfortunately, if I had learned all I needed to, I'd be the perfect Christian now would be off saving souls instead of blogging! As I think of what happened in Ghana, I see that the problem with my past life wasn't simply that I wasn't following God's plan.
One of the plans God had for me that I certainly didn't have for myself was to go to Ghana and minister to children there. I went, all excited to watch God's plan unfold. And though I wouldn't trade that time for anything, I certainly didn't feel the incredible joy I expected as I walked the life of a victorious Christian. I've talked in past blogs about how I tried to do things in my own power, a power I didn't have. But I wasn't just miserable because I was always exhausted, I was miserable because I was alone. God's plan for my life is great, but even that plan means nothing if I don't have Him. I used to think of my past life and shudder at how miserable I felt. I would say that I would give up anything because I learned God's plan was so much better than my own, but even that wonderful plan is meaningless. Now I see my life was empty because I didn't have Him - I didn't have that living presence with me through each day, no matter what happened. Living with Him is everything. I'll follow Him, not because my life will be so much better if I do what He says, but because I want to be with Him, no matter where that is.