Why I Failed, Part II

It's my first Saturday in Ghana, and I'm going to visit my first rural African village. The past five days have been such a whirlwind that I haven't even thought about what to expect. At this point I'm just kind-of going with the flow, trying to take it all in. When the bus arrives at our destination, I'm immediately overcome with expectation as all the village children run towards us. This is why I came to Africa! This is my calling!
We have to sit through this elaborate welcoming ceremony. First they show us how they pray both to the Christian God and to the god they worshipped before missionaries reached them. I'm not really paying attention - I'm photographing the children. Then they show us how they dance. One little girl is beautiful and adorable, but the rest is a little boring. It looks to me like it's a little thrown together, though I seem to be the only one who notices. I must just have high expectations because I'm used to professional dancing back in the States. But no matter. I'm watching the dancers getting ready to go on, seeing how nervous they are and how seriously they seem to be taking this. I'm looking at the faces of the rest of the village as they watch. They carry the attitude of people who have seen it all, but wouldn't dare hint that they could think of a better way to spend their day. It's like I'm watching a ballet company trying to make their forty-first Nutcracker look fresh to impress the President in the audience. Slightly strange to me - I expected this type of thing to be a fun break from their routine, not a chore.
Next comes the naming ceremony. This ceremony was enough to impress upon us all the significance of being in an African culture. We were moved by the fact that someone in the village had taken the time to come up with a name for us, make us a string of beads, and make us a customized pot. And if we weren't already overwhelmed by the efforts of the village to reach out to us, being adopted by a family in the village did the trick. However, there's something about the ceremony that really stood out to me. The man officiating kept telling us to use the stuff we were given and the story of our experience to get money from the US to send back to them. And he said that if we ever wanted to come ourselves and help, they would provide us with a house, labor for our gardens, and anything else we needed. Often the individual families adopting people reiterated these words with speeches of their own.
I spent the rest of the day entertaining children with my camera and enjoying every minute of it. I didn't realize until later that my interpretation of the day's events didn't match anyone else's.
My roommate later helped me to understand how the others were feeling about the day. She spoke of how much it meant to her that the village put off whatever they had to do to take a day to welcome us. She was impressed with the care that went into the preparation of the pot and beads and was touched that they would be willing to take the time to adopt us all individually. She loved their selflessness and how honored they made her feel. She thought Americans could learn a great deal from their ways.
I guess I'm just a cynic who could never believe anyone had selfless motives and really wanted to treat me like royalty just for the sake of it. I must be so corrupted by our consumer-driven society that I can't believe someone would be so willing to accommodate my moving to their village because they were such friendly people. See, I saw the entire show as an example of the despair these people felt. Their lives were so stricken by poverty and they felt so powerless to do anything about it themselves that were willing to do anything to get help from outsiders. Everything they did I saw as a desperate attempt to get American aid - a heart-breaking cry for help. I was filled with sorrow at what poverty and hopeless had reduced these people to, and how pathetic it was that they would beg any group of young Americans to help them.
My roommate felt loved, and saw a slower and more caring way of life. I felt desperation and saw a show put on the same way it was put on for every other visitor in the hopes that one day it would pay off.
That's why I failed.